This blog is such a mess, seriously. It's kind of embarrassing, the 'journey' I've been on in this blog in the last year, with a new start every post. ARGH. Not to mention the fact that in a couple of months, I'll be turning 30, and well, I'm still fat.
I go between feeling like YES LET'S DO THIS and feeling utterly hopeless. I keep wondering when I'm going to commit to making a change that will actually stick more than a few days.
By the way, thank you for all your comments, I really appreciate the encouragement.
I think I need to get back the attitude that I had when I started this blog - to not try and lose a huge amount of weight for some upcoming deadline (in other words, I need to stop worrying about my graduation photo coming up in July). Yes, it's unlikely that I'll look dramatically different by then, so why spend weeks worrying and putting pressure on myself?
The attitude I had when I started this blog was to just calm down, take one day at a time and just eat healthier. If I did that, then change would happen without me having to force it. Somewhere along the line I lost the plot and started going between periods of pigging out, then feeling guilty, and then not eating much for a couple of weeks before the process would start again.
From now on I'm just going to try my best to make the right decisions. I need to remember to look after my body. Right now, the most important thing in my life is feeling better about myself - learning to actually love myself. My self-esteem issues have held me back from so much in life.
We're starting paleo today. M's persuaded me to do some gentle kettlebell exercises (I have to be careful though, because I tore something in my shoulder last time, and I'm not sure it'll ever heal properly). I already did a 20 minute pilates/cardio workout this morning, and it actually felt great. I always get up a few hours before M, so it's the perfect opportunity for me to try and include a bit of exercise. M's also desperate to get into yoga, and we have a very basic yoga DVD that we're going to try later.
As usual, we'll see how it goes. I really want to change. The only person stopping me is me, and so on... Let's see what Calming Manatee has to say:
Thanks, Manatee. You're the best.