Tuesday 28 August 2012

One day at a time...

Written last night:

It's the end of my first day, and it has gone very well! I managed to force myself to do an hour long kettlebell workout for my arms, and I think they will totally beefy by tomorrow. Well, maybe not, but I've only been using the kettlebell regularly for the last three weeks, and already I can see and feel changes in my arms. Unfortunately, the amount of fat seems the same, but there's definitely something under all that fat. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, because it probably means my arms are getting even bigger because I'm gaining muscle - but hopefully at some point, I'll try and grab the usual handful of flab under my arms and it won't be there!

I couldn't have the usual protein shake after my workout because we've run out, so I decided to make a slice of low-calorie brown toast and dumped 100g of low fat cottage cheese onto it. (I thought that would be a decent amount of protein). I was determined to get my 100g onto that tiny square of toast, which was silly really because as I tried to eat it, the stuff was spilling all over my hands and in the end, I just had to stand there with the toast up to my mouth pouring the cottage cheese off the toast and into my mouth. Quite a sight! Also, it's pretty gross, that low fat cottage cheese. It's almost completely liquid, apart from small vomity chunks of cheese. But it's got lots of protein and hardly any fat, so I'm going to continue to keep pouring it into my face for now.

What I'm wondering is whether or not I should weigh myself tomorrow. Y'know, just to see how things are going. I'd love to be able to wait until next Monday and to avoid any potential mind-fuckery that comes with knowing what you weigh every single day, but I'm just not sure I can. Especially since today was such a good day...

Written the following morning:

I weighed myself, and I'm down 1.4lbs. I couldn't resist it. The important thing now is to remember that my weight may very well fluctuate during the week, and to remember that even if that's all I lost for the whole week, that would be perfect and I should be very happy with that. (Even though I'm secretly hoping for a good loss, since it's my first week and all, but shhh). I suppose it would have been nice to wait until next Monday, not having weighed myself at all during the week. If you have absolutely no idea how well you're doing, you'd probably want to keep doing things as perfectly as possible and not allow yourself any treats for fear of messing up the weekly weigh-in. The temptation is, when you weigh yourself every day, to think you can get away with naughty behaviour if you've had a good loss from the day before. That's the trap I normally fall into. But not this time!

So, I've managed to complete ONE day. I woke up this morning thinking, okay, where's my reward for  being so amazingly good yesterday? And then I felt deflated when I thought, there IS no reward. Certainly not today, young lady. You just have to keep doing this indefinitely. I mean, there is a reward in that hopefully, in the nearish future, I'll be out of the 200s and maybe some of my clothes will start to fit me again (even my fat clothes have been awfully uncomfortable lately). But as far as food goes, no treats, no nothing...

But I noticed that I only had 19 Pro Points yesterday, when my allowance is 29. Maybe that's why I'm so ravenous right now. I didn't deprive myself of points intentionally - we just don't have that much food in the house on account of being poor students (my hub and I are both mature students at university), and we don't have a car any more so we have to walk to buy food and well, we're not very organised when it comes to buying food. I think I need to figure out some snacky things to help use up those extra points. It'd be nice to have some raisins about, but when you're dieting, they're just about the most delicious thing and I usually end up eating the whole bag in one day...

I'm thinking about going for my first run since April tonight, after the sun goes down. That sounds quite dramatic. I just can't handle running in broad daylight because I am a sight to behold. And not in a good way. Better to go in almost darkness. Back in April, I was running 10k non-stop (well, I only did that a couple of times, but it still counts!) - but then I got frustrated with the whole running thing because in the six months I'd been running, I hadn't lost a single pound. Quite impressive, I think you'll agree. I must have just been eating so atrociously that running three times a week for six months made no difference whatsoever. I did get quite beefy legs, though - so it'll be interesting to see if the beef is still there tonight, because I'm going to attempt to run 5k with no stopping. I truly hope I still can.

The reason for this all this running talk is, I booked myself in for the local half-marathon earlier this year. It's at the end of November. I know there's pretty much NO way I'll be able to do it. It would take a miracle to be fit enough for that by then - but, I just want to see how tonight goes. I'll keep you posted...

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